- Do fly early in the morning, but make sure you get your coffee before the flight. Paying for airline coffee is an insult to humanity.
- Do remember what pocket you put your boarding pass in as you juggle it, the bags, and your ID. It is ridiculously easy to forget and put the pass in your removed-for-X-raying jacket. Having forgotten that because of forgetting the previous point, yours truly got special screening in the Nude-o-Tron 3000. On a related note, Dear Mr. President Obama, I know you've got crazy helpings of stuff to get done, and you know I love you, but whenever you get around to reforming the TSA so that it makes the slightest wee ort of sense, the overall happiness level among your better-informed voters will (forgive the pun) skyrocket.
- Do read all of the paper, or risk missing the best byline in the history of bylines, "The author is the president of the United States." And he has a kung-fu grip.
- Don't fly to Fort Lauderdale if you need to go to Miami. Just don't.
- Don't assume that any cab with a GPS and a credit card reader has a working GPS and credit card reader. Also don't assume that the cabbie understands addresses just because he works in a city with a simple grid system. Ask him about both things before you let him sling your bags trunkward. If you ignore this and the preceding point, boy will you need to have remembered the one about caffeine.
- Don't assume that all hotels have HVAC. Those in warm states may wait until it's 40 degrees F and the guests are going blue about the jowls to bust out a sheepish, "Sorry, ma'am, this facility doesn't, um, have a heating system."
- Do enjoy the local cuisine and hooch, especially if mojo sauce and dulce de leche are involved.
- Don't fly out of Florida on a Sunday unless you want to share your world with a squintillion disembarked cruise passengers, an experience that, if you are me, will make you feel as though needles are growing out of your skin.
- Do splurge and get the Sunday New York Times. The crossword puzzle enhances sanity maintenance, while the occasional articles about Joss Whedon are unexpected motes of joy.
- Do be pathetically grateful to get home, dysfunctional Metro system and all. Express your gratitude with laundry and naps. Mebbe a little "BSG: Razor." Because, c'mon. You can't outfly your own geek self.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Further travel lessons
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8 comments:
hear m'fing hear.
Were the cruisers in evidence at oh-god-no-thirty when you flew out?
there were zero cruisers that i identified at o'dark thirty. but there were plenty of screaming children, venting all our collective frustrations at being shorted sleep, right into my right earhole.
Oh yay. Ghastly AM is right about the time when some of the earliest international flights get in, so it's potentially jet lag as well as sleep dep. I'm not sure Miami would've been much better. Next year, short straw gets the Florida assignment.
But at least your skeleton got viewed. I harbor a belief that skeletons want more attention. I mean they walk around unseen all day long, doing a tough job and getting no press.
I don't mind having someone peer at my bones, but the Nude-O-Tron actually shows more detail of your 'natomy under your clothes. Next time I'll just ask for the pat-down; it's just as invasive but doesn't have a permanent record attached to it.
The only way to travel in a plane is unconscious. I take various concoctions to render myself into that state.
For shorter hops, it's tricky to titrate the dose appropriately. Anything over six hours, though, and it's time for better living through chemistry.
Someday the airline industry will levy a premium if you want to travel conscious. Much easier to stack us like cordwood and fly to the sound of gentle snoring.
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